I’ve decided to branch into Bachelor blogging. I’ve been a fan of the show for over 10 years now- Jason Mesnick was my first Bachelor! I am inspired by Sharleen Joynt’s Bachelor recap blog and all the girls on Reddit who got me through yet another long off-season. I am UNSPOILED and really want to remain this way, although Reality Steve is cool and all (especially during the Jenna drama). I will be recapping every episode of Colon’s season (typo or joke? Sorry, Boss Baby, it’s a thing) and that starts now with the announcement of his girls!
Colton Underwood is our Bachelor. He’s a virgin, employed somehow, dog lover, had an exhausting love story with Tia, is extremely active on social media (just go to literally any ABC-related account on Instagram and he’ll be in the comments)… I’m not exactly thrilled with this pick. And this is coming from a person who was excited for Arie to get back in the spotlight (hey, he was the best sex Courtney Robertson ever had!). But Nick is my favorite Bachelor, so take my opinions with a grain of salt.
Now, I saw the quote from coulda-shoulda been Bach Blake that the end of Colton’s season is, “something that’s never happened before.” We’ve had the Arie/Mesnick regret switch and guys leave without choosing anyone. So, I’m not exactly sure what this might mean for us, but I’m sure Chris Harrison is thrilled that he gets to say it’s the most dramatic season ever and really mean it this time.
There are 30 contestants this time, and the cast photos have been released. Chris Harrison did a Facebook Live video telling us a little bit about each of them, mostly focusing on their hometowns and night one behavior. There are no Laurens this year, which they’re making a big deal about it. I watched the video and wrote my reactions, so let’s see how this goes. I’ve never paid such close attention before! If you haven’t watched, it’s okay. I watched for you.
LET’S MEET THE LADIES!
ALEX B– Owns a dog rescue business, 29. Brown hair, LOTS of teeth. Canadian from Vancouver. Brooke Shields. Chris hints at opinionated and sticks around more than one night. Wearing a VERY cool silk green jumpsuit in her picture.
ALEX D– 23, occupation is a sloth which is just annoying, I don’t care. She’s actually an account manager who comes in a sloth costume. Seen it before with another Alex, even- Alexis on Nick’s season with the dolphin/shark costume. Talks slowly and is from Boston.
ANGELIQUE- 28, sweet girl from NJ- does she last long? Chris doesn’t make it seem like it.
ANNIE– 23, Financial associate, Chris says they had chemistry on her Ellen appearance with Colton. She has blonde hair, chose a blah blue shirt, and doesn’t thrill me yet. She grew up on a farm.
BRI– 24, model. How could she not be a model with those cheekbones? Looks fun. I’m looking forward to her and think she goes far according to Chris.
CAELYNN- 23, her job is just Miss North Carolina. Strange face with a prominent chin but cute pink top. Apparently, Colton and Caelynn have a super emotional conversation, so she must stick around…!
CAITLIN- 25, Realtor. Toronto. BEAUTIFUL. I like her brown hair and off the shoulder dress choice. She looks like a bitch who gets her way so I don’t know why she would want Colton, lol.
CASSIE– 23, Speech pathologist from southern California. Sweet and beautiful, seems like she might not go far based on Chris. Likes to surf. Cool girl, though. Maybe she’ll get to Paradise!
CATHERINE- 26, Her career is listed as DJ which is AMAZING. She’s from FORT LAUDERDALE, which is also amazing. Brings a 1+ on night one which is her tiny cute dog. Chris says she is a villain. She looks like a bombshell- it is insane. Apparently, she interrupts a lot on night one. Leopard belt, super tan, botox forehead, extensions. She’s actually a realtor. I do not see Colton being able to handle her! Exciting pick!
COURTNEY- 23, caterer from Atlanta. Very young. Chris mentions he doesn’t know if Colton knows what peaches are and wishes he was joking- so this girl brings peaches and confuses Colton?? Whaaaaaat… Colton, come on, man…
DEMI– 23, interior designer. Gorgeous, blonde hair and green eyes, and wearing a red off the shoulder top. Chris likes her and her opening line- and can’t wait for us to decode it. How could she be an interior designer so young? TOTAL country girl from Texas. Hair length goals!!!
DEVIN– 23, Broadcast journalist, like my old favorite Olivia Caridi. Chris says there will be tears- I think she goes far! I don’t know why. She love yoga. Beautiful girl, I so hope she doesn’t change her face with fillers after the show like many do because she has such a natural beauty.
ELYSE– 31, makeup artist, oldest in the group. From Alaska and Arizona. Cool green top in the promo photo and redhead with amazing eyebrows.
ERIKA– 25, recruiter, Chris calls her nutty. Not a lot to say here.
ERIN- 28, “Cinderella” from Plano, Texas with a good entrance. Dead eyes and big fake lashes, good hair, Botox, and a stiff smile in her photo. She is your southern stepmom!
HANNAH B- 23, Alabama. Miss Alabama 2018. Knows the Miss Carolina, which is interesting. Has villain potential, and is wearing a silky black halter that I don’t love. A literal beauty queen.
HANNAH G- 23, content creator from Alabama. Content creator is not great- she’s ready to shill Fab Fit Fun boxes after this! But Chris says there’s a strong connection between them. MOST beautiful girl out of the 30, possibly. Rocking a midi dress in her promo photo.
HEATHER- 22, never been kissed is her profession. She’s GORGEOUS, big mouth, green eyes, tan, long blonde hair, pretty interesting get for Colton. Weird ass green dress in her photo, but the color works on her. I’m betting pretty religious.
JANE- 26, Social Worker. Looks Jewish and pretty and smart. Blue top and gold necklace, good smile and Chris says quirky, tiny package. I was right! She is Jewish, her gold necklace is actually a star of David in a circle. She’s so hot.
KATIE– 26, Medical Sales Rep. Drops a bomb on Colton that changes the course of the season. Little bit of a case of the crazy eyes in her pic, but that’s a great navy dress.
KIRPA- 26, dental hygienist with a good opening line according to Chris. I don’t imagine she’s going far based on what Chris said. Also, she literally looks like she has no idea where she is in her photo.
LAURA- 26, Accountant from Dallas. Very pretty. Chris jokes that 80% of Bachelor contestants are from Dallas, his hometown. She wears the same dress as another girl night one. Adventurous and wearing a leather dress in her photo, and has black hair and big boobs.
NICOLE- 25, social media coordinator. Emotional, Spanish, Miami. Cries a lot- might go far and cries even more than Ashley I. So boring though. The last thing we need is another Ashley I.
NINA- 30, sales account manager from Raleigh, NC. Blonde and Croatian. Looks friendly and nice, can’t imagine her going far but she shares her story and Chris says “throughout the season” so maybe she goes far.
ONYEKA- 24. IT consultant from Dallas and Nigeria. Big personality, red dress, looks like trouble. You can see it in her eyes. I love her white manicure though, beautiful against the red.
REVIAN– 24, esthetician from California. Nurse and raver!! Hot blonde new D-Lo? Blue dress, big boobs, great brows, very sexy. Super tan and has a great smile. Interested to see how Colton reacts to somebody so cool.
SYDNEY- 27, NBA dancer for the Knicks which is cool. Quit to be with Colton. Asian and pretty, but I’m not sure she goes far.
TAJ or TAHZJUAN- 25, business development associate. SO beautiful, definitely in the top 3 of the season to me. Wearing a lavender tee, has long black hair, a nose ring, amazing brows (again!) and a stunning smile.
TAYSHIA- 28, Phlebotomist. Life of the party and has chemistry with Colton- sounds like a combo to get other girls in the house jealous. I think she will probably go far. She is accessorized like a pro, with short brown hair and a pointed chin.
TRACY- 32, Wardrobe Stylist. Too severe for baby Colton. Drama magnet according to Chris. But wait, it’s all about that promo photo. She’s wearing a blazer and bike shorts in her photo, which is awful. Worst outfit I’ve ever seen, and gauranteed to be out of style by the time the season is over!! Shouldn’t a stylist choose timeless things instead of HYPER Kardashian trendy? Plus those Villain brows from Botox.
-Good eyebrows- so many of these girls have fantastic brows!
-Botox. Sort of becoming the norm.
-We have officially moved away from ombre hair!
-Ages skewing younger, which makes sense for our 26 year old Bach.
Well, there we have it. This took forever but I’m excited to start this MAGICAL JOURNEY of love, lol.
See ya next time!