After proofreading one of my blog posts like a good little blogger, WordPress recommended one of my own posts to me and I couldn’t help but check it out. One of the perks of running this site for so many years is that I have forgotten some of the things I had posted. This is the post I am referencing, and I figured it was time for round two. I still have over 100 pages of typed up quotes studiously written down when my friends and family and others were funny in the last few years. So here are some more gems…
This is also a fun test to see if these things were actually worth writing down for any purpose other than my own entertainment. I like reading other people’s quotes (remember when we used to put our funny friend’s lines in our Facebook profiles?) and hope you feel the same!
At dinner on a Florida trip…
Aunt Meri Lou: Taylor, have you heard of John Lennon?
Poppy: More importantly, have you heard of Stalin?
Giving our backstory at coffee…
Scott: When we first started dating-
Me: 500 years ago.
Raven: You guys are vampires??
Accidentally pointing out stores that are NOT actually Urban Outfitters in Redbank, NJ…
Aunt Jill: Do you guys like that place?
Tom: Uh… Restoration Hardware?
Me: Yeah. It’s okay.
A two parter of my favorite people being useless…
Me: Where was the best chai tea latte you’ve ever had?
Scott: I don’t know… somewhere for sure.
Me: Coffee tequila? That sounds good! What was it called?
Rose: I don’t remember, it had a name though…
Estevan: One of these days, I am going to come to work dressed up like Liza Minnelli and kick all these wine glasses and sing ‘New York, New York.’
Me: That would be amazing.
Estevan: Would? You say that like it’s not going to happen.
Estevan: I don’t want to get married in a hot air balloon. Everyone does that.
My brother is too clever for his own good…
Tom: School. The Anti-drunk.
Tom: Kid Cudi is coming out with a new album called Man on The Moon Part 2: This Time I’m Serious, There is Definitely a Man on The Moon and Now He’s Hungry.
Tom: Better out than in, I always say. See? Shrek references. Now this is a party.
Me: I am not drunk.
Tom: It’s your eyes. They look drunk. They’re extra shiny. And you’re wearing cat ears. It’s kind of a giveaway.
Tom: Dolphins are fast swimmers. They’re smart, everyone likes them. The only bad thing about dolphins is when they tip over boats but that’s just cause they’re curious.
Tom: I’d rather die because a dolphin was curious than because a shark was hungry.
Poor little lizard…
Me: Oh my god, oh my god…I just caught a lizard’s tail in the door.
Scott: It’s okay, calm down. Their tails grow back. That was probably the best thing you could have accidentally done to an animal.
Tom: That’s not true. You could have accidentally given him his favorite food.
My trip to North Carolina…
Me: What do you want to do now? Go to the bathroom or Starbucks?
KT: Are those my only options?
KT: Dude, kettle corn is the only kind of corn.
Nintendo 64 nights…
Me: I like your feathers.
Tom: That’s a Paratrooper. He’s good in this game.
Me: I SAID I like your FEATHERS.
Tom: THANK YOU.
Scott: I have no time. I’m so busy playing Mario Tennis.
One of my all time favorites from my mother…
Mom: Yeah, as far as kitchen maintenance goes, me and Gordon Ramsay really agree…
Me: ‘ME AND GORDON RAMSAY’?
Mom: Sorry, I and Gordon Ramsay…
That’s all for now! I hope you laughed as hard as I did.