I decided to hop on my blog because I have something I need to explain.
I’m starting a new job next week, and I want to keep this thing active. I’ve been avoiding it for an interesting reason- not just the usual too busy, too creatively focused in other areas. No, I’ve been avoiding my blog for the same reason I quit being a style blogger on Instagram and deleted all my tweets. I have this big issue around sharing myself with the world, and being vulnerable, and connecting. It started to get worse and worse, and feel more extreme. Any slice of myself available for consumption started to feel painful. I didn’t want to be seen because it doesn’t feel safe, and it’s ALL linked to my trauma. I understand the root of my problem, and I’m doing everything I can to get myself out of it. It’s been a LONG process since I became aware of how vulnerable any degree of being seen makes me feel and my ability to come here and post. It’s been a hard problem to solve head on.
I think that’s about as much as I’m going to share on that now, since this is a slow process. But I’m going to start putting myself out there more without fear. Really, my fear is only about ~four people judging me, and my fear is a childlike one that doesn’t gel with my adult life or personality. For everyone but those four people (really, two, and really just one), I’m excited to share who I am and what I’ve been up to! It used to come so easy to me I didn’t understand why everyone on earth didn’t have a blog! But the thing with healing from trauma is that different problems come up at different times, and you just have to deal with them and heal them even if it seems like a step backwards or something you should be over already. I felt like I used to be so good at this, and then all of a sudden, I can’t bear it.
If that’s all vague and confusing, I’m sorry. I’m working up to sharing more about that sort of stuff, and being so authentic is new to me. Trauma is a very complicated subject.
NOW! On to the fun stuff!
Here are the things I’ve loved and have been super duper into the last month. I’m so excited summer is on the way, and May was a great one. Here are my favorites:
Book– I’ve actually read a lot recently, about 10 books in the last two months, but my favorite is probably the short story collection by Curtis Sittenfeld. I’ve always been a big fan of hers since Prep, and I enjoyed every story in this collection. Here is a link to it.
Podcast– I got an ad at the top of Alaska and Willam’s drag race podcast for this one, and instead of fast forwarding with annoyance, I was INSTANTLY sold. I loved Jamie Lee on Crashing, and she’s a great Instagram follow. And since Sex and the City is my favorite show of all time, I am always down for a SATC pod. This one is great- Jamie and Rose are best friends, SATC die hards, and comedians, so it’s really funny, charming, and they aren’t like, forgetting major important shit about Miranda when they talk about the episode. Give it a chance if you’re also cool and like the best show ever!
Nail polish– Okay, so Essie might just be my new favorite nail polish company. I mean, I’m an OPI girl for life, and I’m always into Orly and China Glaze, but now that Essie has the new better brush AND dropped the most exciting summer line I’ve ever seen, I’m in. I’m SO in. My absolute favorite is called Take The Lead, pictured below, and it’s a blue I’ve literally been looking for for years. It’s perfect. It’s the summer blue of my dreams. And the formula is incredible. Tiers of Joy, a green shifting lavender, was a VERY close second, which is really, really saying something. Check out the summer line here.
Makeup– Stila liquid eyeshadow. I am suuuuuper late to the game here but it’s amazing. I use an eyeshadow primer and it dries down and lasts all day. Sometimes it’s messy to apply, but it’s worth it. Check it out here (although you probably already own two of these, I’m 5 years late on this shit). I have shade “Kitten Karma.”
Fruit- Lol, I don’t know why I’m out here putting fave fruit on this list, like that’s normal, but go off I guess. Anyway this category needs to exist so I can discuss my love of fresh peaches. They were on sale for 66 cents a pound and I bought sooo many, and now I eat peaches every day. Stone fruit season is the BEST!!
Show– Top Chef! My boyfriend Scott and I randomly started watching it and now we’re big fans. We were brought in by our love for Chef Richard Blais, although we only really knew him from his appearances on Guy’s Grocery Games. I knew he was on the All Stars season of Top Chef so we started watching that! It’s always funny to watch the All Stars season first- I wouldn’t have recommend someone start Drag Race at All Stars 2 prior to this, but now I have to say it’s fun to go back and watch the season they’re all originally on and root for them more.
Movie- I don’t think I watched a single movie in the last few months!! Is that weird? Is anyone else just not a big movie head?
YouTube channel– I finally took a leap of faith and showed Scott “That’s Cringe” on Cody Ko’s channel. So stupid to call it a leap of faith when really it was just showing my partner of a million years something absolutely hilarious, but as I said, I have problems being vulnerable and sharing myself– even with my partner, so I was needlessly nervous at first. But now we love watching Cody videos together, so it’s been my favorite channel of late. The Matty Smokes vid is a CLASSIC. Link to Cody’s channel here.
Food– Potato tacos. POTATO TACOS!! I decided to make them one night since I wanted tacos but didn’t want to eat meat, and since then, I kid you not, Scott and I have made them easily TWENTY times. Every night, we talk about what we should have for dinner and instantly decide on potato tacos.
The potatoes are like taco seasoned breakfast potatoes, and then we do hot pico (or mango pico!!), hot sauce, refried beans, sour cream, and avocado in a tortilla. Oh and sometimes some chips on top for extra CRUNCHies. It’s cheap, filling, sort of healthy-ish, and I’m completely obsessed. Years ago, when we were living in our old house, we got into this groove where we ate pizza and salads every single night. The pizza was an Amy’s frozen pizza without cheese, and the salads were “Taylor” salads, meaning mixed greens, cucumber, carrots, chickpeas, and feta. We ate that shit so much that we were, like, worried we’d lost our minds. We get into these food grooves, I guess! I honestly want potato tacos for dinner.
Drink– Cold brew!! I haven’t tried nitro cold brew or any foams or anything yet, but I buy the big bottles at the store and drink iced coffee at home. It’s amazing. It’s soooosmooooth.
Restaurant– I love to take day-trips to San Antonio, which is an hour and half south of Austin. I’ve blogged about San Antonio a TON, but now the first stop on every trip is Bakery Lorraine. It’s casual yet elevated and interesting French food, and they have great vanilla cold brew and paper straws. I looove it there. Check Bakery Lorraine’s Instagram here.
Thank you for reading!! That’s a pretty good round-up of my favorite things as of late! What are your favorite drinks, pods, fruits, etc? Haha. If you’re not a WordPress user and want to get in touch, find me on Instagram @taylordorothy. I’m trying to post more there, too.
I will be back soon.